


Puberty we need to talk. What did you do to BTS?

by superdeanlover



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M, Puberty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 03:19:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10585344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superdeanlover/pseuds/superdeanlover
Summary: “Father, I know that my name has become a common term and that’s not the point I am making. Sure, its even used as a common name which I am not upset about at all. But I do think this is all Puberty’s doing. I mean have you seen the three young ones lately?”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [impalafortrenchcoats](https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalafortrenchcoats/gifts).



“Father, I know that my name has become a common term and that’s not the point I am making. Sure, it's even used as a common name which I am not upset about at all. But I do think this is all Puberty’s doing. I mean have you seen the three young ones lately?”

“I have not. Michael pull a report please.” 

“Yes, Lord God almighty who was and is and is to come.” 

Jesus stood near the throne of the Lord Father with his arms crossed. Since October 9, 2016, his name had been excessively used. In the modern era his name didn’t carry the poignancy that it once did, but the surge in use had to do with a massive following of fangirls and fanboys. It was because of BTS’s three young’s members and the mess Puberty had created. Sure, abs, candle wax, and thin material were also at play, but it was all Puberty’s fault. 

Jesus waited patiently and watched as Michael pulled the BTS members into view. They were performing in Inkigayo, October 16th. 

My blood, sweat, and tears.  
My last dance too just take ‘em take ‘em 

My blood, sweat, and tears  
My cold breath too just take ‘em take ‘em

Jesus felt his ears begin to ring. The fangirls and fanboys might not survive this comeback. Then at the exact moment that the youngest member of BTS's shirt flapped open the whole of heaven shook. 

“PUBERTY!” 

**  
“Hmmm maybe just a little bit more height and fill out the face a bit more.” 

“Yes sir.” 

Puberty walked around the drawn image of the young boy who would soon become a man. Some argued that puberty was cruel and unjust and Puberty would like to meet anyone who had a complaint. 

Puberty was not cruel or unjust. Time, effort, research, and detailed work went into every transformation. Puberty was a visionary a maverick of the human form. Puberty took what God Almighty created and with divine inspiration and design took it to the next level. 

“PUBERTY” 

“Sir-“

Puberty held up a hand and cut off his assistant. God was summoning him. 

Puberty wrapped a cloak around his shoulders and walked out of his corner in heaven to defend his creations. 

**  
“Puberty we need to have a talk.”

Puberty waited until God’s command settled. 

“Lord God almighty who was and is and is to come.” 

“Puberty we need to have some strong words regarding the transformation of Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook.” 

Puberty mentally pulled each of the humans in question to mind. “They’re the maknae line of a popular Kpop group. I think you’ll notice that my craftsmanship was excellent.” 

God nodded looking at each of the members. They were all hard-working boys and were achieving great things. The three boys were all healthy, happy, and well-rounded. God looked closely at the three boys and shook his head. “Puberty, you need to think closely about what you did here.”

Puberty edged closer to the throne and saw Taehyung’s signature box smile and intensity that poured out of him as he danced. It was raw and unfiltered arousal. Puberty had given Taehyung that natural quality that very few people had. It could be shaped, practiced, and mimicked of course, but not with the sheen that Puberty had coated Taehyung with. 

“Yes, I quite like that on him. It’s a nice surprise like a flower blooming on the side walk.”

“A flower blooming on the side walk? Puberty you’ve got to be kidding me,” Jesus interjected. 

“No, I am not kidding Jesus Lord. I am quite serious. He’s quite a sweet child and then suddenly when you least expect it, it blooms out of him. It’s like seeing the petals of a flower open.” 

“You DUMPED THE ENTIRE BARREL OF SEX ON HIM! That’s not petals blooming it’s an assault,” God roared from his throne. 

“Well,” Puberty began considering the creative process that had produced Kim Taehyung. No, it was correct. Puberty stood by the design. “Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come. You made him a dumb blond and a very sweet child. He needed some help.” 

“Father if I may,” Jesus interrupted pulling up BTS’s Boyz with Fun V focus performance. 

“Puberty…,” God asked again. 

“Again, look at him, he looks like a cute little bunny. True he growls like a dragon and might have a slight oral fixation but that’s not me. I just created the design whatever tendencies he had before are not of my doing.” 

God lifted a hand and pushed his hair of off his forehead. “And what about Jimin? He was so cute.” 

“He’s still cute,” Puberty responded. “Look the cute eye smile Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come bestowed on him is still there.” Puberty chuckled slightly. “It’s the kind of smile other people smile back to, and its irresistible.” 

“Then why does the sight of his shoulders send my ears ringing,” Jesus asked. 

Puberty looked at Park Jimin’s form again. There was no way around it. The design was sound. “There was no other option,” Puberty answered. 

“And why not?” God asked. 

“Mochi cheeks of that caliber needed that amount of sex.” Puberty inched closer to get a better look. “Yes, I wasn’t happy about it either, but he didn’t have the height to balance it out so there was nothing to be done.” 

God looked at Park Jimin and squinted to get a better look. Puberty shrinks slightly under God’s judgement eyes. “But he was sooo cute Puberty. So cute!”

“Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come, he is very cute and was very cute, yes. Like I said I wasn’t happy about it. I even gave him your signature hair flip and it still wasn’t enough. I would have preferred he stay adorable, but there was nothing to be done about it. I ran all the simulations and it was the only viable option specially since there was the height issue.” 

“Height issue?” Jesus asked.

“He was maxed out,” Puberty explained. “Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come only intended him to be that tall and so I couldn’t adjust there.” 

“Ok, well what about Jeon Jungkook what’s your explanation there?” 

Puberty winced. “Hmmm about him… That was my bad,” Puberty coughed slightly trying to hide a smile. “I was drunk and might have gotten carried away.” 

“You were watching Wonho weren’t you?” God accused. "Every time you go and see your work on Monsta X's Wonho you get carried away." 

“I was looking at him," Puberty explained, "but it wasn't bad. I went to get inspired and-“

“How did you accomplish the shirt thing?” Jesus asked. 

“The shirt thing?” Puberty asked. “Oh, yeah the fact that shirts don’t stay on his body?” Jesus nodded. “Oh, no that wasn’t me,” Puberty responded. “That’s Lucifer. It’s like an allergy or something. Whenever he sneezes, Wonho’s shirt just comes right off. It’s quite remarkable really I was thinking about studying the process and seeing if I could-“Puberty stopped short under God’s intense stare. 

“I digress. With Jungkook, I got worked up again because with the older four members it was just minor tweaks. None of them really needed any drastic changes. Hoseok looks pretty much the same, and Seokjin just got rid of his nerdy glasses. Sure, Yoongi and Namjoon changed their style, but overall I was sidelined there.” Puberty looked to God. If anyone would understand it was the Great Creator himself. The Hyung line had found their own beauty without help. It really was quite unfair. 

God sighed,” fine Puberty but this design can be quite problematic since you already knew they were all destined to be together: all seven of them.” 

“Yes, Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come. I broke the mold on all seven of them so we shouldn’t have any issues.” 

**  
“Sir you’re back.” 

Puberty took of the cloak and hung it on the back of the door. “Was Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come quite upset?” Puberty’s assistant asked. 

Puberty walked over and pulled out the recipe he’d used for the maknae line. Puberty had broken the molds for the seven members, but had kept the recipe as inspiration. 

“Not as upset as he’ll be when he finds out they’re all having sex. Perhaps making them walking erogenous zones was a mistake.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmm my friend sent me a picture of baby Kookie when they debuted and Kookie now. We both have some serious questions about what puberty did to the three youngest members of BTS. Also the Wonho mentioned here is from Monsta X. Please youtube videos of him, you will love it.


End file.
